Imagine you find yourself languishing in a foreign prison because you attempted to rescue 33 children after an earthquake in Haiti. And let's just say that your government made no effort to help you. Bill Clinton didn't feel your pain, and even the ceaseless Jimmy Carter had no place in his heart for you. And let's just imagine, for the sake of conversation, that you happen to be Baptist. What would you do?
Clearly without the help of Al Sharpton, NOW or the mass media, you have little hope. Should you ever find yourself in this predicament because you are a Christia…I mean, because you don't have the correct papers, perhaps you could try one of the following tried and true methods. These are almost guaranteed to get you sprung.
10. Wear a Che Guevara t-shirt.
9. Tell them you have a COEXIST bumper sticker.
8. Tell them you have a COEXIST bumper sticker on your Subaru.
7. Tell them you just wanted to bring HOPE and CHANGE to the children.
6. Say, "Kids? We thought they were spotted owls!"
5. Say, "We thought Haiti had a one-child policy. We were just trying to help."
4. Say, "We chose to take those kids. If you want to make a different choice, that's up to you, but don't impose your beliefs on us."
3. Casually mention you were just taking them to get their Gardisil shots.
2. Glibly mention, "We were just going to kill them to lower carbon emissions."
1. Scream, "George W. Bush made us do it."
Any one of those should get you sprung. But of course, you won't need these if you aren't a Christian.